I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize