honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
