i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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