saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
