I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
just tell him i said nine months
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
