i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
