I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
