you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
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