i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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