i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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