Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
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