i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
And then he peed in my hair
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