Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Randomize
