So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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