Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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