would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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