he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
where does the pee come out of this thing
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
