his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
