I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Randomize
