i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
