I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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