I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
