Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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