that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Randomize
