i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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