Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
