so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
