So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
