i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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