i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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