You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I have grass duct taped all over my body
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
