i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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