i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
well you can't waste a boner
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Randomize
