You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
