Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
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