We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
