he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
