Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
