Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
