You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
