just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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