thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
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Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize