well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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