phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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