I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
