Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
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