Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
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