I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
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