i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
