I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
