i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
