She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
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And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
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You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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