Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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