Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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