I wish I could punch you in the face.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
