I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
