I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
