I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
