How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
