oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
the condom got lost in my hair
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
