I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
