I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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