not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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