so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
