I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
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