she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
