dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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