He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
