there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
