wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
