Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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