Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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