I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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