Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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