Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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