she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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