Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Michael Bay diarrhea
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
