I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Can Purell be used as lube?
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize