You work out of a Hotel?
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
