I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
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If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
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He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
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