So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
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I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
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